This Is The Stuff.

I shared my life story with my floor today and it got me thinking, so much so that I am up writing this instead of sleeping.

In my life story, I highlighted all of the hard times of my life. The times of loneliness, of loss of control, and of doubt. In the moment, I lost all sense of why I had done this. Why do the hardest things of life stand out the most? Why do the worst things in life have the biggest impact?

The answer is simply this: God's grace is sufficient for me, His power is made perfect in my weakness. Through the times of loneliness, I learned of God's faithfulness and power. Through loss of control, I realized that laying my life down at Jesus' feet was the only way to live in peace. Through the doubt, I saw God's hand continuously reaching out to me, never letting me go and tugging at my heart to run to Him for the answers.

Like in "The Shack", my life is like an unorganized garden; a continuous work of art that is ever-growing and changing. Though at times it does not look beautiful, God is consistently working in me to make it His perfectly planned piece of art and life.

As I am in the process of transferring schools and completely changing my way of life, I struggle with the idea of leaving the relationships that I have made here. But I know that God is in my transfer, He's in my education, my family relationships, and my friendships right now and forever, as strongly as He has been in my life over the past years. With that, though there is sadness, there is so much peace and anticipation for what He has for me in Portland and beyond.

Thank you God, for plans that are bigger than my own.

(The title of this blog is from a song by Francesca Battistelli)

Open Doors!

I have a lot on my heart and was so close to writing this blog about doubt, but instead, I have decided to update you on the crazy goodness that has happened in the last 48 hours!

• Thursday, August 21st at 2am: I was searching for jobs on the SPU website and applied for a few, including one for a position as a Saturday Concierge in Seattle.
• Thursday, August 21st at 8am: Received an email back from the Concierge position with an attached application and a request for an interview!
• Thursday, August 21st at 11am: Called my mama and asked what she thought of it all, she approved, and then called my aunt to see if I can crash at her place which is an hour and a half away from Seattle, on the way to Bend. Being the amazing aunt that she is, she completely opened her house to me! That's family love right der, folks.
• Friday, August 22nd at 12pm: Found places to get some sleep on the way to Seattle, worked out living arrangements, confirmed my interview, and worked on my application.
• Friday, August 22nd at 2pm: Found a belt to go over my skirt for 50 cents (for my interview outfit), it just doesn't get much cheaper than that!

All this is to say that I believe God has opened doors for me with this job and as I pray for His will through it all, He will continue to provide for me.  And even when money gets tight, His love is all I need.

Please be praying for me through all of the new, exciting, and scary changes of this month! If I get the job, I will be working in Bend part of the week and working in Seattle the other part until I move up to Seattle full-time for school, so it will be lots of driving and little sleep but so worth it! Also, my current job was not expecting me to have to cut down my availability so soon and we don't have enough employees so I'm praying and hoping for peace in that.

I hope you now feel so very updated on the semi-spontaneous life of Amy.

Your Robots Have Hearts.

"Stopped at the red light, looked out my window

Outside the car, saw a sign, said 'Help this homeless widow'
Just above this sign was the face of a human"

Those are some of the lyrics to Michael West's new song "My Own Little World".  This song, among other things, truly motivated me to think about how I see people. I work at a sub shop, make sandwiches, ring people out, correct mistakes, and take whatever comments that customers have with a happy face.  All the while, I am a person with passions, dreams, and most of all, feelings.  Now, I don't really care if a customer yells at me because I'm not close to them and  if they don't like me, I can deal.  On the other hand, I have some regulars that completely make my day because of their kindness and interest in my life.

But how many times have I, with the thought that a store's employee is like a robot, hurt someone or judged someone, or even just not shown love to someone?  How many times have I gone through the motions of picking up an order or buying a new shirt and not seen what Jesus sees in the person who helped me? I would say, most of the time I move past with no regard to the fact that every person in the world is a God-created masterpiece with a heart longing for something bigger than themselves. I'm not saying that I'm completely rude to every person that I meet but I'm saying that it's not showing love if all I am doing is not being rude, it's only showing love if I can go beyond what anybody normally does and truly love how Jesus would.

This isn't just about store employees either. As the song talks about a homeless woman. How do we treat people with love when we've stereotyped them from the beginning? There's a homeless woman that always stands on the same corner by my work. I've always seen her as the homeless woman, nothing more. Inside of her though, there's a dream and a desire to live a better life.

The third thing that triggered all of these thoughts was the movie, "To Save A Life" (amazing, go rent it, watch it, and do something about it).  It blew my mind. I can't tell you how many people I've passed by that were alone, or how many people I've shrugged off because they weren't in my "group". What if, I was their last hope? I want to pour hope into people but to do that, I need to be open to anyone and everyone. Not just open enough for them to come to me, but open enough for me to make an effort to create relationship with them.  It's going to be my goal to create friendships at SPU that I would not normally think of creating.  It's time to step out of my comfort bubble and make an impact on the lives near and far from me.

So my challenge for me, and possibly for you, is to see people for who they are in Christ. See if you can break down some walls in people's lives. And realize that everyone has feelings, dreams, and backgrounds that you can't see on the surface. Find the goals that they have and bring them closer to reaching their goals in love.

ALL Things.

People criticize. People see all of the obstacles that I will have to go through, and they shove them in my face as though I don't know about them. People see a girl, in the midst of the majority of male dentists and change their minds about the "everyone's equal" thing that many say they so strongly believe.

Usually, I don't let it get to me. But I had someone that I look up to today, bring me down. I let the frustration and negative attitude come over me all day.  I doubted my choice in school, my plans for life, God's help through it all and everything in between. I was driving home, praying and worshipping. I remembered the well-known and well-used verse:

"I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me" Phil. 4:13

As I thought and prayed over this verse, it came to life more than the usual.  We read verses and sing worship songs about the goodness of God but set aside the parts about how we need to follow God's path in order to truly recieve all the blessings that he has planned for our lives. So as long as I let Christ into my life, my actions, my plans, my schooling, and my finances and as long as I rely on His strength, I can do all things. I believe that Seattle Pacific, whatever the cost, is where I am supposed to be and until I feel that God has different plans, I will walk in that.

The second part of this, that I have touched on in the past, is being responsible. I need to take up every opportunity that God lays in front of me. I need to use my job, this blog, scholarships, job shadows, and volunteer work. God doesn't grow money trees, He doesn't make money rain down from the sky, He doesn't leave bags of cash under my pillow each night (Although, He could do any of those, He just usually works in other ways that will teach us and stretch us).

I hope and pray that I am doing God's will and I know that while walking in obedience with Him, I can do ALL things.

The Two Destructive "F" Words. Part 2: Fears

Fears. Sometimes I let my fears wash over me, sometimes I lay awake thinking about them, sometimes I hide them. But I know that if I let my fears control me, I will never live the free life that God is holding out for me in his hands. A few weeks ago I was overwhelmed by fear of the unknown and then I spent some time with God and this verse has been on my heart ever since:

Psalm 31:5 "Into your hands I commit my spirit;

redeem me, O Lord the God of truth."

There are things that I am afraid of. Finances, missing friends and family, and coming out of my shell to make new friends, among others that are a little too personal for the world wide web. In all honesty, I am really shy. But I will not let my past or my present, define my future. I will not let the fear of rejection that hit me at Summit High School happen again at SPU. But I will commit my spirit, my thoughts, my actions, and my feelings to the Lord because He is everything and can do everything.

Fears will not rule my life. They will not control the mindset I have when I move into a new city, new school, or new church with lots of new people. God is the Prince of Peace and I choose to walk in that.

I will not quit school out of fear of finances. I will not shut down out of fear of rejection. I will not give up on my education out of fear of failure. I will perservere past every fear as I learn to lay my life at Jesus' feet and walk in the power that the Holy Spirit gives me.

The Two Destructive "F" Words. Part 1: Finances

A couple months ago my pastor spoke on how to reach your biggest dreams possible and how there are two big "F" words that we should not let get in the way: Finances and Fears.

If I let them, finances could easily stop me from pursuing my dreams. I could say that I do not have the money to go to college, especially one as prestigious as Seattle Pacific University. But part of my dream and God's calling on my life includes Seattle Pacific and just in general, college is a necessity to be an oral surgeon.

God can provide. God will provide. But I have to act on the opportunities He gives me.

One opportunity is my job. I am working somewhere around thirty hours a week at a sub shop and I babysit regularly. Every bit of money that I can possibly save, I do. But it's not enough.

Another opportunity is scholarships. I am spending any free time that I have applying for them. I even got a letter today saying that I was a semi-finalist out of 500+ essays for one. Sure, I didn't win that, but it made me feel more capable of getting others.

This blog is another opportunity. I know that asking for financial support through a blog is not the most politically correct thing to do. (It's definitely humbling to be doing this.) I know that as of today, I only have six followers, but that is six more than two months ago when I started this blog. I know that the economy is still rough. But through all of that, I know that there are people who believe in my dream and who want to help with medical missions. In reality, a donation now will lead to being able to do medical
missions in the future.

With the money I will be saving over the summer, my $15,000 per year scholarship from SPU, state loans, and work study, I will end up somewhere around $8,000 short just for this year. I can always get private loans but that will only get me so far. Sometime I see the eight thousand and I want to give up. I want to say that I'm not able....but God is able.

So what I'm asking for is your help in supporting my dream. Just click the little button to the right that says donate. The transaction goes through paypal but if you are uneasy about that just email me at amerz35@hotmail.com. No amount could be too small. If you are unable or uncomfortable with giving financially, I could use all of the prayers I can get!

Thank you so much!

P.S. My posts will not all be about money, I will continue to share my thoughts and feelings of normal life.