To Wait, Actively.

I want...

To be an oral surgeon.

To repair clefts and share Jesus around the world.

To be involved in a team that shares my passion.

To experience other cultures.

I want a lot of things, many that take years to qualify for. I have 10+ years of college and residencies ahead of me. All of my hopes, dreams, and purpose for my life have always been placed in the future. So, what about now? Right now, I go to school and work and I wait for the future to come and my dream to be a reality. Though school is helping me reach my dream, I am not actively pursuing it.

"But there is none of this passivity in scripture. Those who are waiting are waiting very actively...That’s the secret. The secret of waiting is the faith that the seed has been planted, that something has begun. Active waiting means to be present fully to the moment, in the conviction that something is happening where you are and that you want to be present to it."-Jordon Cooper

To get where I want to be I need to wait, but actively. I need to do everything I can right now so that I am better prepared for the future that God has called me to. So, these two things have been tugging on my heart lately:

I want to start an Operation Smile Club at PSU. Operation Smile is an organization that sends medical professionals to third-world countries to repair cleft lip and palate. The club would raise awareness and raise funds for the surgeries that the children need. If you want to start a group at your school or check it out, click here: http://www.operationsmile.org/get_involved/student-youth-programs/university-programs.html

I also want to go on a medical mission trip with Cure International, a Christian medical missions organization that provides surgeries for children in third-world countries with club foot, spinal problems, and clefts. Since I have never been out of the US or Mexico before, it would be a great way for me to see first-hand what I am pursuing.

Please be praying for both of these things as I start to get information and figure it all out!

My question for you is: are you waiting actively? Are you taking risks and trusting God to prepare yourself for what God has called you to?

"Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever"-Hebrewss 13:8

I am learning to look to the future with excitement while still finding purpose in today.

This Is The Stuff.

I shared my life story with my floor today and it got me thinking, so much so that I am up writing this instead of sleeping.

In my life story, I highlighted all of the hard times of my life. The times of loneliness, of loss of control, and of doubt. In the moment, I lost all sense of why I had done this. Why do the hardest things of life stand out the most? Why do the worst things in life have the biggest impact?

The answer is simply this: God's grace is sufficient for me, His power is made perfect in my weakness. Through the times of loneliness, I learned of God's faithfulness and power. Through loss of control, I realized that laying my life down at Jesus' feet was the only way to live in peace. Through the doubt, I saw God's hand continuously reaching out to me, never letting me go and tugging at my heart to run to Him for the answers.

Like in "The Shack", my life is like an unorganized garden; a continuous work of art that is ever-growing and changing. Though at times it does not look beautiful, God is consistently working in me to make it His perfectly planned piece of art and life.

As I am in the process of transferring schools and completely changing my way of life, I struggle with the idea of leaving the relationships that I have made here. But I know that God is in my transfer, He's in my education, my family relationships, and my friendships right now and forever, as strongly as He has been in my life over the past years. With that, though there is sadness, there is so much peace and anticipation for what He has for me in Portland and beyond.

Thank you God, for plans that are bigger than my own.

(The title of this blog is from a song by Francesca Battistelli)

I am...

His.

In the past few months, identity has been a huge theme in my life.  Where do I find my identity?  What is considered a good foundation for my identity?  Whose am I? How do I define myself?

In reality, I have struggled with my identity my whole life.  However, it was not until I moved to Seattle that I realized this. Without straight A's, close friendships, mentors, and family, I didn't know how to define myself.  I could no longer be "the smart kid" (there are much smarter), or the "best friend" (can't wait to see her though), or the "responsible one"(college=procrastination).  I used to think those labels were sufficient, that those were what I was and that was the best I could be.

My foundation for my identity (good grades, close friends, etc.) crumbled when I moved to Seattle.  But a crumbled foundation just leaves room for a new one to be built.  I'm in construction as I write this. I'm choosing to let Jesus lay His foundation this time around.  The wonderful thing about Jesus is that He is faithful, He will be there when everything is great and when I am overwhelmed with questions.  Being rebuilt is a process though and a hard one for me at that. I have never had so many questions about my faith, or I just have never been willing to let these questions surface.

Whose am I?

If I was in church, I would always know to answer Jesus. Yet, subconsciously, I look back at my life and I can see that I labeled myself by my friends or family.  I was "Natalie's friend" or "Josh's little sister". Moving away was like losing my identity and worth in that area of my life.

Until God got ahold of me, again. Lately, it's been a reoccurring statement in my life.  Whether it be what we talk about in small group, the radio, or the lyrics to a worship song, God's adoption of me shows up.  God created me, He chose me, and He wants to  be my dad.  That's just cool. I may not completely understand everything that goes along with having the ruler of the heavens and the earth as my dad but I know one thing is for sure:

I. Am. His.

“For WE ARE GOD'S masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.”

-Ephesians 2:10



Open Doors!

I have a lot on my heart and was so close to writing this blog about doubt, but instead, I have decided to update you on the crazy goodness that has happened in the last 48 hours!

• Thursday, August 21st at 2am: I was searching for jobs on the SPU website and applied for a few, including one for a position as a Saturday Concierge in Seattle.
• Thursday, August 21st at 8am: Received an email back from the Concierge position with an attached application and a request for an interview!
• Thursday, August 21st at 11am: Called my mama and asked what she thought of it all, she approved, and then called my aunt to see if I can crash at her place which is an hour and a half away from Seattle, on the way to Bend. Being the amazing aunt that she is, she completely opened her house to me! That's family love right der, folks.
• Friday, August 22nd at 12pm: Found places to get some sleep on the way to Seattle, worked out living arrangements, confirmed my interview, and worked on my application.
• Friday, August 22nd at 2pm: Found a belt to go over my skirt for 50 cents (for my interview outfit), it just doesn't get much cheaper than that!

All this is to say that I believe God has opened doors for me with this job and as I pray for His will through it all, He will continue to provide for me.  And even when money gets tight, His love is all I need.

Please be praying for me through all of the new, exciting, and scary changes of this month! If I get the job, I will be working in Bend part of the week and working in Seattle the other part until I move up to Seattle full-time for school, so it will be lots of driving and little sleep but so worth it! Also, my current job was not expecting me to have to cut down my availability so soon and we don't have enough employees so I'm praying and hoping for peace in that.

I hope you now feel so very updated on the semi-spontaneous life of Amy.

Your Robots Have Hearts.

"Stopped at the red light, looked out my window

Outside the car, saw a sign, said 'Help this homeless widow'
Just above this sign was the face of a human"

Those are some of the lyrics to Michael West's new song "My Own Little World".  This song, among other things, truly motivated me to think about how I see people. I work at a sub shop, make sandwiches, ring people out, correct mistakes, and take whatever comments that customers have with a happy face.  All the while, I am a person with passions, dreams, and most of all, feelings.  Now, I don't really care if a customer yells at me because I'm not close to them and  if they don't like me, I can deal.  On the other hand, I have some regulars that completely make my day because of their kindness and interest in my life.

But how many times have I, with the thought that a store's employee is like a robot, hurt someone or judged someone, or even just not shown love to someone?  How many times have I gone through the motions of picking up an order or buying a new shirt and not seen what Jesus sees in the person who helped me? I would say, most of the time I move past with no regard to the fact that every person in the world is a God-created masterpiece with a heart longing for something bigger than themselves. I'm not saying that I'm completely rude to every person that I meet but I'm saying that it's not showing love if all I am doing is not being rude, it's only showing love if I can go beyond what anybody normally does and truly love how Jesus would.

This isn't just about store employees either. As the song talks about a homeless woman. How do we treat people with love when we've stereotyped them from the beginning? There's a homeless woman that always stands on the same corner by my work. I've always seen her as the homeless woman, nothing more. Inside of her though, there's a dream and a desire to live a better life.

The third thing that triggered all of these thoughts was the movie, "To Save A Life" (amazing, go rent it, watch it, and do something about it).  It blew my mind. I can't tell you how many people I've passed by that were alone, or how many people I've shrugged off because they weren't in my "group". What if, I was their last hope? I want to pour hope into people but to do that, I need to be open to anyone and everyone. Not just open enough for them to come to me, but open enough for me to make an effort to create relationship with them.  It's going to be my goal to create friendships at SPU that I would not normally think of creating.  It's time to step out of my comfort bubble and make an impact on the lives near and far from me.

So my challenge for me, and possibly for you, is to see people for who they are in Christ. See if you can break down some walls in people's lives. And realize that everyone has feelings, dreams, and backgrounds that you can't see on the surface. Find the goals that they have and bring them closer to reaching their goals in love.

I need your help, please!

I’ve been doing scholarship contests like crazy, and I just entered one that I actually have a good chance of winning, or at least placing and getting some money. Basically, I just submitted an essay and after they receive my transcript and read over my essay, the company is going to put it online. Once it is put online, people vote for it and the essay with the most amount of votes wins.


This is where you come in….I was going to ask you all to vote, until I realized that I would need you to vote twice a day, everyday for three months. I figured that was asking a little much :p

So my new method might seem terrible or sketchy to you, but honestly by the number of votes that everyone else has (like 600 in just a few days), they have to be doing this too. If you don’t support my method, I understand. But anyways, voting requires inputing your email address. I’m pretty sure that you won’t get an email back because I voted for another person just to see and haven’t gotten an email back. If you do get an email, it won’t be spam-y 

So, getting to the point, you would be so so so helpful if you just gave me your email address so I can vote for my essay using your name. You can comment on here with it or message me with it if you don’t feel comfortable.

Thank you so much! (and sorry again if this seems really bad to anyone)

 
Also, if you know of family or friends that would be willing to give me their email address, that would be awesome! The more the better.

ALL Things.

People criticize. People see all of the obstacles that I will have to go through, and they shove them in my face as though I don't know about them. People see a girl, in the midst of the majority of male dentists and change their minds about the "everyone's equal" thing that many say they so strongly believe.

Usually, I don't let it get to me. But I had someone that I look up to today, bring me down. I let the frustration and negative attitude come over me all day.  I doubted my choice in school, my plans for life, God's help through it all and everything in between. I was driving home, praying and worshipping. I remembered the well-known and well-used verse:

"I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me" Phil. 4:13

As I thought and prayed over this verse, it came to life more than the usual.  We read verses and sing worship songs about the goodness of God but set aside the parts about how we need to follow God's path in order to truly recieve all the blessings that he has planned for our lives. So as long as I let Christ into my life, my actions, my plans, my schooling, and my finances and as long as I rely on His strength, I can do all things. I believe that Seattle Pacific, whatever the cost, is where I am supposed to be and until I feel that God has different plans, I will walk in that.

The second part of this, that I have touched on in the past, is being responsible. I need to take up every opportunity that God lays in front of me. I need to use my job, this blog, scholarships, job shadows, and volunteer work. God doesn't grow money trees, He doesn't make money rain down from the sky, He doesn't leave bags of cash under my pillow each night (Although, He could do any of those, He just usually works in other ways that will teach us and stretch us).

I hope and pray that I am doing God's will and I know that while walking in obedience with Him, I can do ALL things.